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Things to know before a long term relationship
Published on May 28, 2006 By jesseledesma In Health & Medicine
These are some things to know before you start a long-term relationship.

You must have a willingness to allow some one in your life.

You must have true affection for the person.

You must be prepared to care for the person.

You must be prepared to let the person care for you.

You must have ways to be part of each other’s lives.

You must have good money sense.

You must understand the concept of building a home together.

You must have a sense of parenthood.

You must have moved on from the dream state to the reality state where you understand who the person is, you understand who you are, and you understand the role each of you plays in each others lives.

You must come to terms with your mental health challenges.

You have to get over your need to be in charge and control everything.

You must practice romance.

You must organize your life to balance work, home, children, family, vacations, movies, diners, humor, compliments, intimacy, and everything else.

You have to grow up and become mature.

You must understand that your flaws are your responsibility.

You must not see your self as the super problem solver. Sometimes people need to figure some stuff out on their own.

You should eat right, sleep enough, and make peace your friend.

You should stop criticizing your neighbors and start looking at how your life can be what you want it to be.

You must not be afraid to love or be loved.

You should be nice to people and guard diplomacy.
You should know what battles need to be fought and which battles are not worth destroying the relationship.

You should know where the lines are drawn and not cross them.

You should know where you stop and God begins.


Comments
on May 29, 2006
You know all this to be fact HOW?
on May 30, 2006
Well that's that then...I'm nowhere near ready for a long term relationship.
on May 30, 2006
I've been in a relationship going on nearly 10 months now, and it's my first...I'll keep these in mind, thanks
on May 30, 2006

I think most of these should be you should "try".  Nobody would be in a long term relationship if this list was true.

"You must have good money sense." ...  Damn...my husband has very little money sense, I guess he shouldn't have been married to me for the past 10+ years......

People just need to keep trying.  Nobody is perfect, and every relationship is different.  There aren't any "rules" that make a relationship work.

on May 30, 2006
Well, I don't care what the "requirements" are.

My wife and I have been married 13 years and it just keeps getting better. We may argue once a year, if that.

Mutual respect and admiration for each other completely trumps much of what you have written.

Unexpected flowers and her favorite chocolate speak with endless whispers in her ear that she IS wanted.

Just the tone of her cheerful "thank you" - or the "honey, we don't have the money for this" (but I'm glad you did it) - makes me happy.

If you can find pleasure in your partners pleasure you've got it made. The rest is elementary.

The "Sense of Parenthood" you speak of, I understand. But only because I have 4 children that I love dearly. They should be no more a reason for commitment to a spouse then a reason to leave one. They are just separate issues.

While I'm sure you wrote this article with good intentions, it just isn't true. At least not in my case.

Show me anyone that falls within this pre-defined list of yours.......I'll show you an unhappy prisoner.

The only thing you really "Must" do, is never, ever tell another person what THEY MUST DO.

PC
on May 31, 2006
None of this matters if there isn't C-O-M-M-I-T-M-E-N-T. You'll never humble yourself nor care for the person as you would if you were commited to the relationship.
on May 31, 2006
I think this is a good article. Not a requirement to have all of these...but I think it is safe to say that all of these are great to have in a relationship and can benefit it.

Just because you dont have some of these, that doesnt mean anything...but its amazing how each and every one of these are reasons a marriage fails....money, affection, parenting, caring...etc.

Money for example...its not a requirement to have money sense...but it helps a great deal if you know how to manage money. I dont want to be in a relationship where Im sucking all the finances or vice versa. The church Marcie and I attend is now making marriage counseling people take a course from a program called Financial Peace University. Its not a college...just the title of the program. They are using it in a small group setting and every person who followed it was able to much more effectively put away money, pay off debt quickly and budget. The reason they did this is because in most marriages, money is a big issue and a big reason for most divorces out there.

on May 31, 2006
Those are all good things.  I think the main things you need in order to have a successful long term relationship is to be truthful about and with yourself and to communicate well with your partner.  Don't play games and hope they won't find things out down the road.  Be up front about how and where you want to live.  Talk about everything you can possibly think of.  Love isn't enough.
on Jun 05, 2006
Congratulations, You Got it. I deliberately called marriage the kiss of death because I think we have the tendency to over think things and that is the worst kiss of death yet.

Plus, I did want to help people see where they can succeed in marriage.
on Jun 05, 2006
Plus, I did want to help people see where they can succeed in marriage.


Question: What are your qualifications?

Are you a marriage and family therapist? Have you been happily married for 30+ years?

I'm curious what qualifies you to give others a "marriage to-do list".
on Jun 07, 2006
Since I was ten I have been meditating of issues of life. I dont think there is a person who has read more books, seen more documentaires, read more newspapers, and talk to more people then I have. I have done it with a healthy respect for life and people.

What I write is what I see every day and hear from people every day.

Plus I fought a long 7 year marriage.

I finally learned where I failed and where she failed.

In addition I have a BA and a BS in psychology.

Moreover, I have recently been accepted in to the Master of Arts Professional Counselor program at Liberty University.
on Jun 09, 2006
Since I was ten I have been meditating of issues of life. I dont think there is a person who has read more books, seen more documentaires, read more newspapers, and talk to more people then I have. I have done it with a healthy respect for life and people.

What I write is what I see every day and hear from people every day.

Plus I fought a long 7 year marriage.

I finally learned where I failed and where she failed.

In addition I have a BA and a BS in psychology.

Moreover, I have recently been accepted in to the Master of Arts Professional Counselor program at Liberty University.

Wow! All of those accomplishments and you are still so nieve? You didn't get government money......or scholarships did you?

You "learned" where YOU failed and, where "she" failed? Did the idea that you believe ANYTHING could be this "cut and dried" enter in to your assessment of yourself? Did your supposed "knowledge" on the subject taint your opinion? I mean, you ARE more knowledgeable right?

Maybe she pissed you off by trying to tell you how to use a spell checker? Did you listen? KNOW!!!!

Please, do the world a favor and keep your "learned", sexist opinions to yourself. The only thing YOU know is FAILURE! For you to even pretend to counsel me is ludacris!

You may have a future in selling enema's however. You seem to be good at promoting shit.

Dr. Nick, if you remember me...I've had "issues" with you. I wish you no ill will however. If you listen to this, and apply it to your 10 month relationship? You are apt to learn a painful lesson. This is nonsense. The author's own history, and description of it, should tell you that. Buy her chocolate, give her flowers, tell her she's beautiful, tell her how you feel if, and when, you make love, respect her, her needs, and her opinion.....the rest is elementary. (When in doubt, flowers and Chocolate! Really!)

The fact that jessedesma can't see it, or apply it is a testament to his self proclaimed wisdom.
on Jun 09, 2006
f you're going to bitch about someone's spelling, you ought to check your own first.


I couldn't help but think the same thing.

I dont think there is a person who has read more books, seen more documentaires, read more newspapers, and talk to more people then I have.


I think this statement is more a testament to how self involved you are than how much you know. There are always going to be people who have read more, seen more, experienced more than you. The truly wise can see how little they actually know and how very much they have to learn.

My parents have been together for over 40yrs. My grandparents were together for over 50 before my grandpa died. I have been with my husband for 14yrs. Even with all of that marital experience combined, I wouldn't assume to tell anyone else what will make or break their marriage. Heck, there are studies that show that arranged marriages often outlast other marriages.
on Aug 07, 2006
hello
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