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Security First
Published on June 16, 2006 By jesseledesma In Health & Medicine
No man is worth it.

Unfortunately, many of us go through our developmental years not receiving the necessary nutrients to develop properly.

This lack of proper guidance leaves many of us with a skewed perception of life and our selves.

This blog entry is on security and romance. I find it strange that I have not written on this subject before since I know the “abusive personality” very well. My father was very physically abusive and my ex-wife was abusive in all manners. In addition, two of my girlfriends had abusive boyfriends.

The one thing I have learned is that they are very dangerous people. Even though we want to believe that they have some good in them, the reality is that they are not at all like us.

Some people abuse because they were abused as children. Others have psychological illness that frustrates them and causes them to act out violently. Abuse of alcohol and drugs causes some people to be abusive.

I would say that people who fear loosing control abuse in order to maintain control.

The reality is that no matter what the reason you do not have to serve as their physical and mental punching bag while they figure out their problems.

In the first psychology course I took, I heard about “learned helplessness syndrome.” This when people see no way out of the abuse therefore they stop trying to get out of a dangerous situation.

I can see how that can happen. However, I must tell you that an abusive person never stops being abusive. In addition, an abusive person can take a life.

If you are in an abusive relationship, I would tell you to get out immediately. Do not tell the person you plan on leaving. Separation causes abusive personalities to panic, which could lead to serious harm or death.

For some people leaving means that they will not have any place to go. This is not true. Most cities and towns have shelters for victims of abuse.

Moreover, there are security devices a person can use to incapacitate an abuser while they escape. I am speaking of pepper spray and electric stun devices. One does have to be well informed about the laws in their area regulating pepper spray and electric stun devices.

Furthermore, you need to tell the people around you that are close to you about the abuse. Abusers bet on their victims not telling their friends and family.

If you have an interest in continuing the relationship set the standard of we are going to live apart and the only time we will see each other is when other people are around until I see you have taken some constructive steps in handling your abusive personality.

I would say that 18 months of the person not displaying any signs of violence and aggression is a good barometer to measure positive change. The person should not even make statements like “I hate the news. They always lie.”

Again, the most important thing is to get out. The safest way is to not let the abuser know you are leaving. The time you tell them what you are doing is when you are safe and other people are around.

I would wish that all victims of abuse would report the crime to the police. If your abuser has ever threatened you with a weapon, he or she needs to be reported. The reality is that abusers that use weapons for attacking or intimidation are very dangerous.

If you really fear he will catch you while you are leaving, call the police for assistance.

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