Understanding your partner's intimacy cycle
Today, I will write on problems in marriage do to failure to fulfill a marriage partner’s intimacy needs.
First, allow me to identify what I mean about intimacy needs. I am not just talking about sex. As people, we need to make connections with people that bring joy to our lives. Here, I am talking about the connections bring joy, not necessarily the person.
In romantic situations, these connections have to do with pleasure, satisfaction, warmth, love, care, affection, happiness, joy, contact, and other good emotions.
These sensations come about from hugs, kisses, caresses, eye contact, sex, meaningful conversation, and other behaviors.
When these intimacy needs are not met, it leads a person to resentment and closing of emotionally. This is why many men who have failed at intimacy find a cold shoulder when they do try to reach out and make contact.
Now, I will talk about the admonitions that related to meeting intimacy needs. Women who cop and attitude when their intimacy needs are not met only discourage men from trying to meet those needs. Men, women are like flowers. If a flower does receive any sunlight, it will die. Well if a woman does not get affection and intimacy, her love will die. Therefore, men get over your fear of intimacy and start to compliment, romance, and include your woman in your life. Last admonition is that men some women also cannot deal with intimacy.
I am a firm believer that most of marriage problems come from people in the marriage not finding balance of intimacy. To me everything else is a symptom of the disease. In fact, I willing to say that a person who you are happy with you will tolerate their bad behaviors.
That is why I want to marry a hot brunet super model. My friends will say, “she is a pest and she treats you bad” and I will respond, “ Yeah, but look at her”. Ok maybe a little to superficial.
However, if you focus on what you are getting and not so much, on what you are not getting you will be in better spirits.
See when we do not get what we want we start to fabricate reasons in our minds why are partner is not responding in the manner that we would like them to respond. Many of these reasons are negative, detrimental, and fatalistic.
The sky is not going to fall just because your mate did not make eye contact with you or tell you that he or she loves you.
Making a grocery list of everything your mate does and what you think it means is counter productive. Before long, you will convince your self that your mate does not love you and you do not need him or her.
Just so you know all people have problems with intimacy. It is just displayed differently with different people.
Therefore, how do you win the intimacy game? I say you need to observe your partner’s behavior to get an idea of how they display intimacy. Once you have figured out their intimate cycle you can feed them when they are hungry. ARRRRRRRRRRRRRG!
Now, I know what you may be saying. This all sounds too selfish on their part. You may even be thinking, “how come I have to go through all this work and they do not?”
The answer is because you are the one that has the ability to function in this manner. You may want then to be attentive and giving. However, the reality is that if they cannot they will not. Then what you will have? Remember that everyone has intimacy hang-ups.
Therefore, you learn to deal with your current partner’s intimacy problems or you find a new mate and start all over from scratch.
At least now, you have a fair understanding of how your current partner displays intimacy and signals that they have a need for intimacy.
Now, me I am a very simple person. I believe that a person in a marriage should be able to come to his or her partner and say I need a hug, a kiss, and/or something else.
However, talking about intimacy is like talking about dancing. I heard that in a movie once. Do not know what they meant. However, good intimacy is practiced intimacy. Therefore, it is more about what you do and how you do it.
Being aware of when you partner needs intimacy, what kind of intimacy they want, and how to fulfill that intimacy need will lead you to a less stressful marriage.