The last significant time of my life is right now. This battle with screw U TEP is the news of my life today.
Before this time was finishing of 2006 and entering 2007 fighting to keep my sanity. Before then, I was keeping my head down and trying to just get through it. Then I ran in to the financial struggle of entering 2007.
It has been depressing and exhausting. Through it all, I have trying to maintain some semblance of a normal life. I wonder what that is.
Today, a profound thought can to my mind. I was playing the Spanish Christian radio loud so the people around could hear it. After awhile I noticed that people were going about their day as is the radio was not on.
Then I realized that people are so closed to the goodness of God yet they have their back turned and their ears closed.
Today, I am seriously upset at the conditions of the world. People are very turned off and misguided. I do not see how any thing good can come out of the future world with the present day selfish and self-centered attitude of the average person.
Through everything I have confronted I have died as a person. I do not trust life. In addition, I am tortured by the thought that my life is over.
The only bright light is that maybe a woman would bring pleasure to me and a reason to feel alive. However, as I have said it would be a mistake to bring a woman in to the misery called my life.
I am very sure that things will not get better. Since I was 19 I have been trying to form a life and if I wrote a list of everything that went wrong you would accuse me of making it up.
All I know is that it has been a long twenty years. When I was 19, I was finally settling what I call my immigration problem.
On my eighteenth birthday, I received a letter from INS asking to settle my immigration status with in a month or leave the country.
For the majority of my life I lived the American experience. I knew there were things that needed to be done. However, I never recognized the significance of my “immigration status” until that day.
When I was four a came over to El Paso, Texas USA from Juarez, Chihuahua, Mexico in a car with my family.
The customs officer looked at me. I looked at him. He looked at me and then He waved my whole family through.
Accept for a year and a half I spent in Eugene, Oregon I have been in this miserable city, El Paso, Texas.
Being the only child of my mothers born in Mexico has brought me nothing but trouble. To Mexicans I am not from Mexico I am Mexican because I do not think like them.
The American officials see me as a Resident Alien that is from a lower class country. Do I have a tail? Am I responsible for Mexico’s trashy nature?
It does not matter. It is just one more thing to struggle with. I however, do not pay it much attention.
I try to focus on what I have to do for whatever time I have left in life. Of all my concerns, immigration is farthest from my mind.
Meeting expenses and getting out of the cab are my prime concerns.