If life were everything we expected, there would be no disappointment. However, do we really know what is appropriate to expect from life?
I was meditating and I asked myself if I remember when I acquired my philosophy of life. I know for a long time I have been thinking about human behavior in terms of human psychology.
However, what I wanted to know from myself was when did I receive an understanding about everything that encompasses life.
The truth is that I do not know. If I was asked today what my philosophy of life is, I could not offer an answer.
For a time I thought it was about working well and meeting my responsibilities. I know it would be good to have a life mate, but you have to be realistic about what you can offer.
In addition, I am not talking about hugs, kisses or more intense intimacy. We do not think about healthcare for children before we are out there fornicating.
Men do not think about earning enough to provide a home and a life to their mate and children if any should escape the prophylactic barrier.
Have we really stepped in to a time that what should have value does not? The bigger question is if today it is this bad how much more worse will tomorrow be.
When I started these entries, chronicling my life, it was to get over the frustration and to hopefully pass on what I believe has value in life.
However, today I no longer worried about the average day to day person. My own survival is at stake.
Since, I know that everyday I do get closer and closer to the coffin I want to at least tell the world who I was or am.
I was born in Mexico; not by my choice. Out of my mother’s four children I was the only one who has the honor of been made in Mexico. I am being sarcastic.
My older sister was born in Oregon. My older brother and younger sister were born in stupid El Paso, Texas.
I know if I asked my mom why she had me in Mexico, it would bring her heartache so I do not mention it. However, being from there has brought me nothing but heartache.
However, I am sure my mother meant well. I have very little to complain about my mother. Though the people of the material and narcissistic world may try to judge her because of her education and lack of wealth, I know she worked to offer us a good life.
The real problem was the person who donated the other half of my DNA. He had a very queer view of life. He was very irresponsible. In addition, he was very abusive. On one day, he placed the leg of an extended ironing board on my neck after he ordered me to lie down on the floor.
Another time he placed a full sheet of plywood on me as he cut it with a skill saw. In addition, he was always coming at my brother, my older sister, and me with two by fours. He was a carpenter by trade.
My brother, sister, and I made sure he never treated our younger sister as he treated us. The interesting fact is that he could not figure out why we hated him.
I remember one day when he was dragging her towards the bedrooms as he was going to physically punish her. I took her out of his arms, told her to go to her room, and waited to see what he was going to do.
He just sat back down at the kitchen table looking down at his Mexican newspaper. I went back to the phone call I had been attending to.
I never saw him try to attack my younger sister again. In fact, one day, before, this last incident, he had come home after one our local ten-minute storms. This one brought hail.
He thought my brother, sister, and I had been throwing ice from the refrigerator in the yards.
My brother, sister and I could not believe his stupidity. We asked ourselves were was he that he did not see the storm. Well it did not matter cause he was right and he was going to punish us with a two by four.
First, he got to my sister and my brother. When he came for me, I booked and would not let him catch me.
After that, I never had to deal with his abuse. Do not get me wrong. It was not as if he was going at us every day. We rarely saw him. He would stay away from the house for months. When he would come around, he would keep to himself. It was just those times he was in the mood to be cruel that we had to deal with him.
I am personally glad I do not see him anymore.