Some of the women of my life
Today I will write about whom some of the women of my life were and what were my goals with them.
First, like anyone else when I was young I was romanced by the idea of romance. I would my self dancing underneath the moonlight, talking with the woman, exchanging some words of affection, taking an interest, and many nights of love making.
Now the depression is too much to deal with and I know I would not be able to give a woman the attention she deserves.
However, the first girl I remember looking at in romantic way was a slender Courtney Thornton Smith type. My mom had left our father and moved us to Eugene Oregon. In the school I ended up was this Courtney looking girl.
I cannot explain why I was attracted to her. I do remember telling myself she is white and I am not.
The real problem was that my presence bugged her.
Man, I just remembered before we went to Oregon there was this girl in 4th grade I was attracted to. Cannot remember her name. However, she was a Latin brunet beauty.
After that was the real so called over the summer love affair with Belinda. She was a girl from the neighborhood. I thought she was a real beauty. We could just never click in the dialogue end of the relationship.
I am ashamed to say this. Disco had just come out and my brother, our palls, the girls from the block, and I would get together in our backyard and supposedly dance. Everyone used to bug Belinda and I to dance. They pushed us because I had said I liked her and she had said she liked me. So you know how people can be bugs and say stuff like oh they are going to dance together.
Either way we didn’t know what we were doing. We were too young. I think I was 13. We never kissed or talked in loving terms to each other.
Then I got tired of all the hoopla and behaved badly. For that I owe her an apology. It just was not doing it for me and I felt it was time to get over all Jesus and Belinda stuff. I do recognize that there could have been a better way to end things.
Two years later Elsa entered my life. One of the girls we hung out with in neighborhood had some cousins that came over from Riverside and visit their grandmother.
One day I saw the sister of Elsa and sort of mentioned to the gang that I thought she was pretty. Well the girls ran over to her to tell her. After that she came over to look over the geek that was talking about her.
For a minute she looked interested. I however, played aloof. I didn’t need no woman fronting me and trying to intimidate me.
Then I saw Elsa and that poor sister had to live in her sisters shadow for a while. Of course Elsa and I never got together. I however, drooled over her for a long while.
Never saw any tomboy in shorty shorts that looked better than her. Life goes on however.
It did take a while. We had a friend that was much in to the socializing. He had been invited to be in a Quinceniera for a born again Christian. A Quinceneria is like a sweet sixteen party for a Latin girl.
Well we were suckered in and asked to be escorts. Well we played the part. Raul took to his dame like a dog to a pork chop.
The problem was that her and I could talk about anything and everything under the sun. There were things he should of known but I knew. The girl would call me and we would spend five, six, eight hours on the phone.
Then he became a pig. After some time of knowing her he actually touched her and tried to get sex from her.
By way she was upset, I now it was very significant for her. She returned his stuff and stopped talking to him.
Me, she kept talking to. When I heard about it, I got mad. It wasn’t that I knew them both.
In fact I was not angry cause he tried that to one of our friends. It was like they were both strangers and I heard about it and the injustice was what bugged me.
Well they broke up. I kept talking to her. One day I went to see her at her high school, we kissed, and from then on forward I was the guy who stole Raul’s girlfriend.
Well time passed. She moved out of the city and I was left to myself.
The women between Ines and my ex-wife are not worth mentioning. The ex-wife is not worth mentioning either.
I met her when she was pregnant with her second child. I didn’t know anything about life. I did have ideas about life though.
In addition, it should have worked. She liked me. I liked her. We were compatible in so many ways. I couldn’t get over my immaturity. She couldn’t surpass her demons from earlier traumas.
It took seven years of torture to finally drive me away. I was severely wounded by the experience.
It took three years after my finally separation to give a woman a chance. I felt a lot of love for her but I treated her badly. I was to stressed out from work, school, and fighting the obvious pain from what my ex-wife put me through.
Irma and Mari got the worse of it. Irma and I were only together for a year and a half. I had put myself through a lot.
Even though Irma tried I could just not be with her sane and together. I did love her though.
Then was Mary. However, that is a story for another day, if I ever talk about it.
As far as romance is concerned I say I already made a lot of mistake, better not to make any more.