What stands between men and women is their fear. This is a fear of not knowing what to do.
The reason this fear exist is that the messages we get from many sources in the world only give a superficial look at relationships.
This look is one of working, paying bills, making children, and living together in the same home.
When we finally get into a marriage, we find ourselves lacking the abilities to live a true emotional experience with our spouse.
I know I jumped ahead. Well I meant to say this is an essay on how to live a happy marriage.
In case you are wondering it is about more than paying bills and cohabitating.
In addition, contrary to popular opinion women have as much trouble expressing their emotions as men.
Remember, I started out this essay talking about the fear of not knowing what to do in a marriage.
When it comes to really knowing how to make a real emotional connection with our spouse we are all lost.
First, we have to know who we are. Then we have to know who are partner is. After this, we have to find a way to show ourselves to our partner without putting them off while at the same time growing together.
This requires communication and a fair understanding of our true nature. Moreover, it requires respect of other people.
To many people think that listening to their spouse means they are to listen for problems to fix.
We are all different and it is not our job fix what we perceive is wrong with our spouse as long as no real problems exist.
Real problems should be dealt with the necessary attention they deserve even if law enforcement agencies need to get involved.
What we are talking about is how can we allow our spouse to see our vulnerable side without falling apart from developing frustration from trying to repress our fears.
The solution is simple. Deal with things as they present themselves and do not make problems where none exist.
Then, both people have to get in touch with what they want out of the marriage. One person in the relationship may not consider emotional growth as important.
This is okay. If this is the case, patience is required. As people spend time together and confront crisis they tend to grow together emotionally.
The secret is not to get frustrated because we think our spouse is not meeting our emotional needs.
There are many ways to get our emotional needs met. I believe in recreation activities like hiking, boating, and bicycling.
The point here is to enjoy what you do receive from your spouse and let these things be ones that bring you together.
Of course do not just be givers. Use charm and charisma to get some of what you want.
Moreover, smile. Do not carry a dissatisfied frowning scowl all day.
This next point is for men. Men get out of your shell and start building a life with your spouse built on emotional communication and intimacy.
It is not hard. I believe that mature, responsible, respectful people are required to make marriages work out.
In addition, work is required to make a marriage work. This work involves understanding, support, love, affection, patience, attention, taking an interest, respect, and so much more.
It also requires that we stop being afraid of being criticized for our true selves. As long as we are afraid of being real with our spouses, we will not have the satisfaction and comfort that comes from growing emotionally close to our spouse.
Now to some of you, this may not be important. That is okay. I know that in this world there are many forms of marriages. I speak here to those who want a healthy heterosexual marriage of one man and one woman.