Fantazising about Parenting Hood and Spousal Hood

Idealized Love to Real Love

Published on August 10, 2005 By jesseledesma In Personal Relationships

Romance leads to things we rarely ever think about. Few people think about parenthood and spousal hood when they are daydreaming about the perfect mate.

Our first encounter with romance is when we are around 8 and 10. At this age, we play games about having a boyfriend or a girlfriend. These are only games and we have no awareness about our emotions or the other person’s emotions.

Then we enter in to our first crush. This is probably the first time we become aware of the emotion of romantic love.

Then we start to enter in to the arena of wishing and planning for love. In addition, as much as people romanticize love with things like love at first sight or “I felt a spark” experience has more to do with romance.

As we take our walk through life, we collect information that helps us formulate an ideal image of our perfect mate.

At a young age-18 or so-love is idealistic. It has more to do with what we think and less to do with what we have learned through experience. In fact, I have met very few people that are actually taking notes as they are moving from one relationship to another.

Rarely will your first emotional and romantic relationship be your perfect relationship for life.

In addition, I would say that we have become such perfectionist that when we fail the first time we are not in the mood to try again. This may be because of a current societal obsession with doing the right thing and being perfect people. People do make mistakes you know.

Failing to realize that romance, love, and marriage is about being a spouse and being a parent is a big mistake.

Okay, we personalize love in to thinking it is only about us. When we fail, we blame the other person and go under the false perception that everyone is like the person who disappointed us.

Moreover, our current society tells us about success through education and career advancement.

Therefore, where are the messages about parenthood and marriage? See, being young, idealizing love, and not working of any understanding on how to be a spouse or a parent leaves you susceptible to an unfulfilling marriage.

There you are, seeing this person everyday, and you have not the slightest idea who that the person is or what that person likes in life. Then you complicate the relationship with a young person who you really do not understand.

I have no suggestions on how to understand a spouse. Asking questions never helped me and I think reading their journals is a moral taboo.

Actually, there is a way. I would recommend the good politician approach. If you notice, politicians try to neutral with people. This means not going off on extreme tangent on any issues. Therefore, do not discuss politics.

Then politicians are always personable and charming. This requires phony interest and phonier compliments.

In conversation, it is a good idea to let the person speak. It is also good to show interest. Connections are made when people share, are validated for what they have shared, and are rewarded with good emotions.

Men fail at this interchange miserably. Most want to dominate the relationship and the conversation.

However, sometimes women themselves interfere with building a bond with mate.

Cold shoulders, coping attitudes, and pettiness are not conducive to a good relationship.

Therefore, we should include in our romance fantasies ideas about how to bond with our mate, formulating good conversation, and not tarnishing the relationship with childish behaviors.

Then we should have marriage goals and spousal goals. No marriage should be stagnating, not doing anything.

Work, sleep, and eating are not all to life. Your spouse needs attention and so do your children.

As time marches on your relationship should grow in a positive direction and so should your children.

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